Parent Perspectives: An Interview with a Parent of a Child with Developmental Language Disorder (DLD)

For more information on DLD, do refer to our article here.

In this interview, Speech and Language Therapist Elizabeth Mui speaks to Mr Tan*, who has a child with DLD.

*Names have been changed for anonymity

Elizabeth (EM): Can you share a bit about your child's journey with developmental language disorder and how it has impacted their daily life?

Mr Tan: We first noticed that our son might have some issues roughly between Nursery 2 to Kindergarten 1. We found that he didn't really have a close group of friends, nor does he seem to converse with his peers in school. On one occasion, we noted that he was playing all by himself, whilst the boys in his class were playing in a group together, and the girls as well. This was quite heartbreaking to see as parents, and it felt off. In addition, we noted that he has anxiety issues whereby he cried whenever we dropped him off in school. It was a constant fight to leave him in school even up to the ages of Kindergarten 2. Fearing that this will continue on into Primary School, we decided to seek help.

EM: What motivated you to seek speech therapy for your child, and what were your initial concerns or goals?

Mr Tan: Upon seeking help, our son was diagnosed with ADHD Inattentive Type, likely dyslexic and DLD. With DLD, communication became an issue for him as he couldn't fully comprehend conversations happening around him, and conversations with him.

This created confidence issues and as a result anxiety issues. Based on our sessions with our Speech Therapist, Miss Elizabeth Mui, she advised that our son has a gap of about 2 years as compared to his peers of similar ages. There was also talk about considering whether to delay sending our son to Primary School by a year so as to help him close off this gap with his peers. This, to us, was particularly concerning. We knew some of his classmates in K2 were about to go to the same school that he was enrolled in.

In addition, he has a cousin who is one year more junior than him, who will also be joining the same school in a year's time. We felt that if he did not go to primary school with his peers, and entered primary school together with his cousin (who is already brighter than him academically), it would be a crushing blow to his confidence and self-worth. Hence, we bit the bullet and decided to drive hard in trying to help him catch up with his peers by going to speech therapy sessions, and English and Chinese enrichment classes. The resources (time, money and energy) were quite significant but we felt that it was necessary just to help him get on board the primary school 'train'. We prayed and hoped that he would be able to adapt to the rigours of primary school life, and slowly but surely gain confidence in himself and how he can effectively communicate with his teachers and peers.

EM: How has speech therapy helped your child progress over the years?

Mr Tan: Our son has been in therapy for at least 3 years. We do note that in terms of communications wise, he does seem more confident and is better able to identify when he is off topic and he does try hard to be on topic. Speech therapy sessions do help in breaking down concepts that most would deem simple and make it more bite size for children with DLD challenges. Through the sessions which our son does actually look forward to, we noted that he is happier and seems to be better able to talk to his peers.

Whilst we have to still decipher some of his jumbled up recollection of conversations in school, we think that he is starting to make slightly deeper connections with his peers. He still doesn't have a best friend in school, nor does he have a group of close friends. But now, he does make conversations with a few of his group mates. That, to us, is a win. We hope that our continued progress will allow him to develop further and hopefully close off and minimise the gaps.

I suppose, the one happy takeaway from our efforts thus far, is that the specialist educators (not sure of the term) and his form teachers have not highlighted that our son needed special attention. This is after the fact that we specifically told all his form teachers at the start of the school term of the challenges he faces. In our mid year and year end conversations, the teacher did comment that he did not seem like a child who needs additional attention. I attribute this 'victory' to all his teachers (both in school and out of school), his speech therapist Miss Elizabeth and my son's attitude and efforts through these years.

EM: How do you balance supporting your child's language development with fostering their overall well-being and self-confidence?

Mr Tan: Honestly, going for numerous classes is very draining both on the parents and the child. This is especially so if the child also has ADHD, where attention required is even more elusive. We would include small bite size learnings, with tea breaks, and opportunities to play games for good behaviour. We have tried to emphasise, albeit not always consistent or successful, on the process and attitude rather than the end product. As such, if he can show that he is trying in class, even if he doesn't pay attention for the complete therapy session, we will acknowledge that and reward him accordingly. I think the constant encouragement, focusing on the process rather than the end product, as well as trying to keep things more bite size do help him in trying to bridge the gap. And for good behaviour (including attitude) we reward him in longer terms (over 10 weeks or so) with bigger rewards such as holidays or trips to activities he enjoys.

EM: What advice would you give to other parents who may be feeling uncertain about supporting a child with language difficulties?

Mr Tan: My advice to parents facing similar challenges would be to not be afraid to identify the problem first. Once the problem is identified, show an interest and positive do it together attitude with the child. In my opinion, when the child sees that the parent is trying as well, they will feel more inclined to participate as well.

Another advice which seems to work for us is to focus on the process rather than the end product. For instance, we will acknowledge when my son gives me the ten minutes of attention that I ask of him for his spelling. Rather than focusing on the mistake which he will likely still make, by encouraging the right attitude and behaviour, I feel that our journey especially after the first year was much smoother.

EM: Can you describe any strategies or techniques that have been particularly helpful in supporting your child's language development at home?

Mr Tan: Make things bite sized. Flash cards. Constant but quick reviews. Mnemonics. Gamify his work. For example, for spelling, we will write all the words maybe twice, but do it 2-3 sessions over the week. We may also do flash cards to just take that one minute in the car before our next activity just to read the words one more time. We have also tried mnemonics whereby we may use high pitch voices to try to emphasise certain parts of the spelling of a word, or even using body parts such as the butt to write out the words. Including such comedy and humour and the funny sounds or even work steps does help my son remember such stuff much better.

EM: Looking back on your child's therapy journey, what are you most proud of, and what hopes do you have for their future?

Mr Tan: A happy moment is when his form teachers tell us that he does not seem to need additional support. This just shows that what we have invested in the first few years are paying off.

I suppose the most proud I am is when my son feels confident of himself.

We hope that he can get on board the primary school train and do to the best of his ability as he progresses in his academic schooling life. We ask of him or perhaps even demand of him that he be the best person he can be, and not the best student in his class or school. As long as we see and know that he has tried his best, I think we would be pleased.